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Just Don’t Do It

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Tiger Woods seems to have not learned that it’s always the cover-up, if not the crime.

In his case, it was both…that against his family and in not learning the lesson of basic PR crisis management — get ahead of the story and don’t let it follow you around like a bad slice.

Of course, were I in his shoes (which I will never, of course, be), I might not want to get out ahead of that particular story, either.  It’s a shame and an embarrassment, and he’s allowed it to trickle out like a long session of Chinese water torture, putt putt style.

Not unlike how he taunts his victims on the golf course.

To be sure, in the golfing world, Tiger is already a walking legend.  Now he can add the covers of US Weekly and other paparazzi titles to his record.

For those of we amateur golfers who have watched Tiger play week in and week out over the past 13 years, it’s like a bunch of house painters watching Michelangelo paint the Sistine Chapel.  Sometime you can’t believe what you’re seeing.

Perhaps seeing isn’t everything, particularly when what you’re believing is flawed.

Though Michelangelo didn’t live to see his design for St. Peter’s Basilica finished at the Vatican, Tiger has lived to see himself conquer one after another golf record like they were so many…trysts?

Perhaps that’s all those records are to him, more notches on his putter.

And though the jokes will continue to emerge, perhaps along with more of Tiger’s off-the-links partners, what will resonate for the rest of us for some time is the disappointment.

Not disappointment that we finally discover with some real proof (i.e., the voice mail) that Tiger is human.

But instead, to find that a man who truly does have everything is seemingly no happier than the millions of the rest of us who have so much less.

Making par, it seems, is evidently never enough.

As for Jesper Parnevik, the Swedish golfer who introduced Tiger to his wife, Elin, well, I’m with him.

Said Jesper about Tiger: “I would probably need to apologize to her and hope she uses a driver next time instead of a 3-iron.  It’s a private thing, of course, but when you are the guy he is — the world’s best athlete — you should think more before you do stuff … and maybe not ’just do it,’ like Nike says.”

Actually, Jesper, I think Elin used a wedge on Tiger and the Escalade, but one of those Nike Sasquatch 460 Tour drivers probably would be a better fit.

And, like Sasquatch, once the beating’s over, Tiger can disappear into the wilderness with his Nike clubs and his bottle of Gatorade and his EA Sports Tiger Woods golf games and all the other sponsors who have let him off the hook with hardly a wink, and think long and hard about what he had, what he stands to lose, and how deeply disappointing his actions have been to his millions of fans around the world.

In the meantime, let the Tiger Woods jokes continue…he deserves a few more good punch lines and a lifetime of bogeys.

Written by turbotodd

December 3, 2009 at 4:07 pm

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